How to help children grieve the loss of a pet
Pets are part of the family, so losing one can be heartbreaking for children and adults alike. Our guide to children and pet loss will help provide support for children, and yourself, as you get through this difficult time together.
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For many children, a pet can be one of their earliest and most important relationships. They're a playmate, a source of comfort, a trusted companion and a loving family member who’s physically present every day. When they're no longer there, that absence can be felt in a really big way.
Our Pet Grief Survey found that 93% of parents and carers said they’d have benefitted from more guidance on how to help kids cope with pet loss. Many said they felt unprepared for the questions and emotions that followed. One parent told us: “The hardest part was reassuring them that the grief will get better when I didn't believe it myself.”**
If you're unsure what will help, it's okay to try different things. One thing I wouldn't recommend is going quiet about the death. Talking about grief helps children learn that difficult feelings are something we can make space for. We can't process something we're avoiding.
Supporting your child starts with supporting yourself
In our survey, 73% of parents and carers said they found managing their own emotions while supporting a child particularly tough. One respondent said: “I wanted to completely break down but didn’t want my child to be overwhelmed.”**
The reassuring news is that you don't have to hide your grief. Dr Erin explains that children learn by watching trusted adults express sadness in healthy ways. What really helps them is seeing how you look after yourself when you feel upset.
That might mean:
- talking to other ‘pet people’ who understand what your pet meant to your family
- asking for a hug
- going for a walk
- having a good cry
- spending time looking through photos
How to help a child prepare for pet loss
If you know your pet is nearing the end of their life, you may be wondering how to prepare your child. Dr Erin says there isn't one right approach. It depends on your child's age, personality and how your family normally communicates about difficult things. You may find it helpful to:
- Explain what’s happening in simple, honest language that’s appropriate for your child’s age.
- Give them the opportunity to ask questions and answer them as openly as you can.
- Remember that younger children may not yet understand that death is permanent, while older kids may need space to talk through big emotions.
- Talking about death before it happens can help some children feel more prepared. Stories, books and age-appropriate TV programmes that explore grief can create opportunities to ask questions and start conversations together.
Should children say goodbye?
Many parents and carers weren’t sure whether their children should be given the opportunity to be present when a pet is euthanised.
Dr Erin explains that it’s a sensitive decision and there’s no blanket rule because every child is different. Euthanasia can be an incredibly emotional experience and children may become worried about their parents as well as their pet. It can also raise lots of additional questions that younger children may not be ready for.
As well as thinking about what’s right for you child, consider what will help your pet feel as relaxed as possible during their final moments. Dogs and other pets are often sensitive to the emotions of the people around them, so it’s worth thinking carefully about who should be there and what will create the calmest environment.
Giving children the opportunity to say goodbye, however, can be really loving and helpful. That might be spending some quiet time with their pet or doing something that they both enjoy before their final veterinary appointment.
As with every part of grief, it comes back to knowing your child, understanding the situation and deciding what feels right for your family.
How to tell a child their pet has died
Many parents and carers said when their pet died they struggled to know how honest they should be with their children and what words to use.
There isn't a perfect script. What matters most is using language your child can understand and reassuring them that whatever they're feeling is okay.
Use clear language
Using the word "died" may feel uncomfortable, but it helps children understand what's happened. Phrases such as "gone to sleep" or "gone away" can be confusing, particularly for younger children, who may believe their pet is coming back or become worried about going to sleep themselves.
Dr Erin suggests using simple, age-appropriate language, such as:
“They lived a long happy life and today they died.”
“They had been very poorly for a long time and today they died.”
"No, they're not coming back, and that's really sad. We're going to miss them so much. Even though they aren't here with us anymore, we can still remember them, look at photos, tell stories about them, and think about the happy times we shared together.”
Give them time to respond. Let them know it’s okay to cry or be quiet – there’s no ‘right’ reaction.
If your family has cultural or religious beliefs about death, you may also find comfort in explaining these in a way that's appropriate for your child's age and understanding.
How to help a child through the grief of losing a pet
As Dr Erin explains, there isn't one right way to help kids cope with pet loss. Some children cry openly. Some become quieter. Others seem completely unaffected at first. Personality, age and the way they usually cope with change all play a part.
If your pet's death has had a significant impact on your child, let the important adults in their life know what's happened, including nursery staff, teachers, grandparents, childminders or other close family members. They can keep an eye out for any changes and offer support if it's needed.
Supporting younger children
Younger children often process their emotions visually and creatively, you could try:
- drawing or colouring
- looking through photographs together
- making a memory box, including keepsakes such as a collar tag or toy
- shorter conversations they can return to over time
- spending time together watching age-appropriate TV programmes or books that speak about death
Supporting older children
Teenagers may prefer to talk or write, you could try:
- longer conversations
- writing in a journal
- talking while walking or doing another activity together, which can remove some of the pressure of difficult conversations – some families may find taking part in our Walk to Remember offers a natural opportunity to talk and reflect together
- asking open questions such as: "How have you been feeling lately?"
- starting an online Tribute Fund where family and friends can share memories and photos
Supporting children with additional needs
Children with additional needs may struggle to process or articulate their grief. Dr Erin suggests thinking about how your child usually processes change. It may help to:
- choose a calm time of day to talk to your child about the death of your pet if they become easily overwhelmed
- share information gradually rather than all at once
- adapt your approach to the way your child usually communicates and processes emotions
Some children may benefit from social stories or visual supports. If these are helpful for your child, your child's school, speech and language therapist, occupational therapist or local autism service may be able to recommend or help create one tailored to your child's needs.
Let children lead
Whatever their age, the goal isn't to make children talk. It's to let them know they can if they want to. You might say: "We're all going to miss our cat so much. If you ever want to talk about her, I'm here." Then check in again another day. Some families find it helpful to make this part of their routine, such as asking gently at bedtime, "Is there anything you'd like to talk about today?" Offer the opportunity but don't pressure them to take it.
Children often ask questions about death. Answer them honestly using simple language that's appropriate for your child's age and understanding. It's okay to keep your answers brief – you don't need to explain everything at once. Once you've answered their question, it can sometimes help to gently move the conversation towards remembering your pet together. For example:
"Which photo of them should we frame?"
"What's your favourite memory of them?"
This allows children to have their questions answered without being overwhelmed with too much detail.
How to help your child memorialise their pet
Dr Erin explains that one of the most comforting ways to think about grief is continuing the bond. Rather than letting go of someone we've loved, we find new ways to carry them with us. Many parents said they found comfort in creating tangible tributes, rituals and personalised memorials. One said: “Keep talking about your pet. Cry together, laugh together, remember together.”
Here are some ideas to help carry your beloved pet forward:
Create a memory box
Invite your child to decorate a memory box with photographs, a favourite toy, collar, paw print or other keepsakes. Looking through it together can become a comforting family ritual whenever they're missing their pet.
Get creative
Drawing pictures, writing stories, making a scrapbook or creating a bracelet with your pets name can help children express feelings they don't yet have the words for.
Plant something together
Plant flowers, a tree or another favourite plant somewhere meaningful. Watching it grow can become a gentle reminder that love continues, even after loss.
Visit a favourite place
Return to a favourite walking route, beach or park where your pet loved spending time. You could also take part in our Walk to Remember, celebrating their life while creating new memories together.
Keep talking about them
Say your pet's name. Share funny stories. Look through photographs together. Some children worry they'll forget someone they've loved, but talking about your pet reminds them they'll always be part of your family's story.
Create a tribute page
Child pet loss resources
When might my child need extra support?
Immediately after losing a pet it's completely normal for children to behave differently. They may struggle to concentrate, seem quieter than usual or lose interest in things they usually enjoy. These are all natural reactions to grief.
Dr Erin says what we're really looking for are lasting changes that don't begin to settle over time.
For example:
- changes in their eating or sleeping habits
- concerns raised by teachers, nursery staff or other trusted adults
- significant changes in behaviour that don't begin to improve over time
- becoming withdrawn from friends, family or activities they usually enjoy
None of these automatically mean something is wrong or that your child isn't grieving 'normally'. They simply suggest they may benefit from some additional support.
Pet bereavement support for children
If you'd like some extra support, you may find these organisations helpful:
The Loss Foundation – Bereavement resources for children and young people, organised by age, including child grief worksheets.
Blue Cross Pet Loss Support Service – Emotional support and practical guidance following the death of a pet.
Child Bereavement UK – Advice and support for bereaved children, young people and families.
Helpline: https://www.childbereavementuk.org/about-our-helpline
National Autistic Society – Guidance on supporting autistic children and young people through bereavement, with practical advice for parents and carers.
Your child's school or nursery – Let teachers or carers know what's happened so they can offer understanding and let you know if they notice any changes.
Your GP – If you're concerned about your child's wellbeing or feel they would benefit from additional support like talking therapy.
Remembering Nelson together
Losing Betsi
*Based on the results of the RSPCA Pet Grief Survey 2025
**Based on the results of the RSPCA Pet Grief Survey 2026
